This is a guest post written by Rose of The Phoenix Mind. Enjoy!
Relationships are different for everyone.
Some are simple, others are complicated. Some are positive, loving and close, others are distance, negative or harmful.
There are so many ways to begin to love yourself; your personality and your body, your style or your heart.
However, what kind of relationship do you have with your mind?
I find that in a lot of media, loving your mind is so often overlooked. As a Mental Health Worker and Psychology graduate, I guess I feel that this is an important aspect of the Self-Love, Healthy Living or just ?being alive? concepts.
The Mind?s Eye
One of the most revealing and enlightening aspects of my relationship with my mind is hidden in how I speak to myself. Self-talk is one of the easiest ways to monitor your relationships, and is relatively simple to change with a bit of effort.
This is particularly clear when I?m trying to motivate myself to do something (even things I enjoy or count as a treat, but feel I should be doing other things instead), as I often find myself using negative wording in my own head.
?Don?t be so stupid, pick up the book and open it.?
?For goodness sake, you?re useless at prioritising. Sit down and write.?
?What on earth are you doing, woman*? Get back to your desk!?
*Here, ?woman? is used derogatively, thanks to my prior conditioning.
Noticing
When I first noticed this, I realized how much of my sense of self came from my inner speech, and spent a few months noting down each time I said something negative to myself in order to find the truth or lie behind it.
This act alone brought me closer to my mind; creating a very intense and actually quite judgmental relationship into being. And my motivation levels?
They dropped even further.
Does your head yell at you like this young swan?
The Balance
I looked everywhere for positive, rewarding ways to communicate with my mind, but found nothing worked as well as being negative.
Then I realized the core prompt was fear.
I was afraid of doing the item. Afraid of being told off for doing it. Afraid of failing. Afraid of all the things it?s natural to be afraid of (considering our brains are programmed to deal with sabre tooth tigers at least twice a year).
Once I realized the specific fears associated, I found myself using less of that name-calling. And I made myself fear the not-doing more than the doing.
Redefining the Fear
I no longer call myself (at least that I?m aware of) stupid, ridiculous, useless or a failure. I no longer use ?woman!?as a derogatory term, the way it was always used around me as a child. However, I do use fear as a motivator.
The people I sought advice from kept telling me to cut out all fear and threatening language from my self-talk, but that left me afraid of being unmotivated. A simple shift in the language I used allowed me to still self-motivate, but took the sting out of my tone.
?We don?t want to end up in trouble for handing it in late. We need to look after our mental health. Let?s get this done now, love, so we can ensure no one gets hurt.?
The fear of trouble is still there. But it?s for not doing the work. The fear of mental distress if I leave it to last minute. The fear of breakdown and incapability if I don?t take a break. The tone is calm and quiet.
I use the inclusive pronoun of ?we?, not ?you?re?; which tells my mind and brain that we?re not two sides fighting. I am a whole, cohesive being of fears and needs; and we work together for the harmony of the ?I?.
Building the Relationship
Meditation, art and music are great ways to get in touch with it and build that rapport with yourself. But first, you need to realize where you are on the scale.
How do you speak to yourself?
How would you describe your relationship with your mind?
Rose is a writer, redefinition alchemist, shivanaut and Neuroscience student in England. Her days are spent working in mental health, studying, proof-reading, singing and teaching Shivanata. She documents her journey as a spiritual scientist and a label re-definer in the hope that she can illuminate the light within everyone. You can read her posts over at http://thephoenixmind.com/blog, grab her monthly letter, or say hi to her on twitter, facebook, or Google+.
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